How I was a failure at negotiaition

I initially felt I had done reasonably well on the negotiation, and was quite surprised when we tallied our scores and Shawn had done much better on points than me. I tried to trade concessions for several smaller point issues for gains in some of the larger point issues, but apparently not so successfully.

Shawn's position was that he was moving from Italy, so needed larger moving credit and more vacation, as that was what he expected. I tried to get to better than middle ground for all issues, but was not always successful. I suggested starting with the most important issue, salary. But Shawn suggested starting at the top of the list, and I acquiesed to that suggestion. I did not have a relationship with Shawn, so our conversation was not influenced by preconceived notions.

I feel that the style and results of the negotiation were similar to the way I deal with conflicts in my personal life, in that I will yield and be agreeable even when I feel otherwise on an issue or conflict. I choose my battles in what I choose to fight over, and I find most issues not worth arguing with someone. Last night, for example, I had dinner with a friend whose political views are different than mine. He described a candidate that I generally agree with as "evil." I didn't choose to debate with him in that I knew he was not going to change my mind, and I felt it was unlikely that I would change his, so why fight about it? There's no victory possible if you damage a friendship over a minor issue.

However my approach at work, is diametrically opposed to my personal way of dealing with negotiation and conflict. At work I am polite, but firm. I have to say "no" or "you can't have everything you want" several times a day. So I react much for firmly at work.

I was initially satisfied with my position, in that it felt like I had done well, so I was very surprised by the point results.

From this I can learn that when I negotiate I need to pay attention to the items that are most important, like in this case salary. Not all issues have the same weight to all parties within a negotiation and it's important to find out which issues are most important to you and the other party. In examples like the Location, there may be some issues that you are not in conflict, you may both want the same thing. Without discussion and concentrated listening, you may not be aware of the position of the other party.